The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
