did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
