If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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