Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
