You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
