I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
