Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
