I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
