I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
