And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
