Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
