I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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