we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
