Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
