walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
