Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
