let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize