I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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