well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
