Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
