i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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