No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
