next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
