You can't special order awesome
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
