He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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