I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
