Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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