this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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