yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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