I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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