the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
