I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
