dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
