meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
