i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize