Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
