Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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