We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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