If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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