Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
