That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
