So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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