I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
