Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
