your parents love me but you hate me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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