Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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