Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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