having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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