girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
