after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
