the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
