It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
