Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
