dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
