Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
