giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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