I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
