i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
