I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
