hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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