you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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