hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You are a genius and a whore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
