You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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