You're so nebulous sometimes
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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