K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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