that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
