the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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