She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
