Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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