hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
