I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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