so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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