He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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