No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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