I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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